The Polyamorists Next Door

The Polyamorists Next Door

In writing The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families, Elisabeth Sheff tackles a tough topic with objectivity, sensitivity, and grace.  Sheff shows that polyamory is a positive family model.  With personal experience and fifteen years of research, Sheff presents all aspects of polyamory through a deeply informed lens.

I like how Sheff addresses the more positive aspects as well as the less positive.  It is incredibly important to understand fully any chosen way of life; whether that way of life is a religion, a diet, or a family model.  Sheff discusses the difficulties of defining polyamory, and who practices polyamory.  She writes about how adults view polyamory, how children within polyamorous families view polyamory, and how neighbors, schools, and Child Protective Services view polyamory.

I especially appreciate her insight into her own experiences with polyamory.  It is not easy to transition into or out of a polyamorous relationship, and Sheff opens her life for the reader.  This adds validity to her research.  Without the personal stories, this would be little more than a long (well written) scholarly review journal article.  The personal stories show me that this information is not just a theory rather, a true representation of the lifestyle. 

While no book can be the definitive presentation (i.e.: the one to read while ignoring all others), I believe anyone researching polyamory should pick up this one.  I find it true to life, authentic, and comprehensive.

Happy Reading

Laura

OCD Baker

I decided to make Monster Bars this morning.  I have enjoyed success with this recipe in the past.  I liken it to a homemade candy bar.  Very good.

When I follow the recipe instructions, I get a (very tasty) 13"x 9" block of candy which I can only try (but never succeed) in cutting into even pieces with an equal amount of each flavor.

Here is where my OCD kicks in and kicks ... well ... you know what.

I took an idea from my experience with cranberry mousse (another really great recipe I use at least twice per year) and created individual candies.

Each cup holds exactly (or nearly exactly) the same of every ingredient as every other cup.

This method took a lot longer to prepare, but yielded about three times the amount the original recipe would have.  Additionally, it took less of most of my ingredients than the original recipe called for.

I add my recipe with instructions for those who wish to improve upon perfection.

Go forth..sell a hundred thousand cups...make a million dollars.

Start with a graham cracker crust base:
1-1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs; 1/4 cup sugar; 5 Tbsp soft butter => mash together with your fingers until fully combined
This makes about 72 cups...seriously!

Using a cupcake cup in a muffin tin:
Place 1/2 Tbsp. Graham Cracker Pie Crust (push into the bottom to create a crust)
Drizzle 1/4 tsp. condensed milk (this will use only about 1/4 of the can for all 72)
3 Pecan Halves (scrape the backs with peanut butter)
5 chocolate chips
5 white chocolate chips
1 pinch coconut
2 pinches chopped walnut
5 mini marshmallows
Bake at 350 degrees F for 10 minutes

Enjoy :)

The Taken, Vicki Pettersson

I met Vicki Petterson at the "Books, Bubbles, and Brews Mixer" on October 7, 2013 hosted by the Vegas Valley Book Festival. Beautiful, witty, and funny, I convinced her to sign a copy of The Taken for me [I really had to twist her arm ;)]

As some of you know, I don't have a whole lot of time for novels right now.  If I'm not reading Race, Ethnicity, Gender, and Class (Healey, 2012; SAGE Publications, Inc), I'm reading Starting & Building a Nonprofit: A Practical Guide (Pakroo, 2011; NOLO), or any one of six other required texts for my classes this semester.

However, once I picked up The Taken, by Vicki Pettersson, I didn't want to put it down.

A good tale is combined with descriptive writing and a gentle love story.

I like the descriptions of the Everlast and the beings within it.  I like the beauty and subtlety of the building love and love-making between Griff and Kit.  I like how Vicki makes you want to appreciate the tiny details in life again, such as during the description of the rose (288).

As for the crime: human trafficking is all too real.  While this particular story may not be based on a real series of events, the general idea is.

I look forward to reading (and then reviewing) the rest of the trilogy...maybe the summer will be less busy.

That's the way I understand things
Laura

Frosting or Caramel?

What did I learn today?

I tried to make a really great frosting for a birthday cake today, but I think I succeeded in making caramel instead.

First, I searched for a good white chocolate frosting recipe, but instead came across "Chocolate Fudge Frosting" (Rombauer, 1997: 1000).  This recipe requires me to start with "Dark Chocolate Fudge" (Rombauer, 1997: 851).  However, instead of 6 ounces of bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, finely chopped, I added 6 ounces of white chocolate, finely chopped.  All went really well, until I noticed it wasn't thickening or losing it's sheen as described in the recipe.  I can't say for sure what I did wrong, but I can tell you a few things I learned today

1) Each step takes a lot longer than a reading of the recipe would lead a novice candy maker to believe.  I suppose if I knew more about making candy, I would have known how long the process would take.

2) Eat first.  With how long the process takes, it is best to eat first because it would be near impossible to interrupt the cooking process to take a bite.

3) The stuff that sticks to the bottom of the pan after turning out the fudgy goo is REALLY good :)

4) If I were to attempt this project again, I believe I would use my stand mixer.  As I said earlier, each step (including the mixing and stirring) takes way longer than anticipated.

5) If I didn't use my stand mixer, I would use a Lazy Susan to turn my marble slab with greater ease.

6) This is definitely NOT a white chocolate frosting, but it might turn out to be a caramel frosting.

7) To be fair, if I had used the chocolate the recipe called for, it may have turned out the way the writers intended.

8) Even the accidental caramel frosting tastes REALLY good! :)

9) I just really hope the birthday boy and girl (Ty and Penny share a birthday) enjoy it.

The search continues for a really good white chocolate frosting for our next cake.

That is how I understand things
Laura

Rombauer, Irma S., Rombauer Becker, Marion, and Becker, Ethan (1997) Joy of Cooking. New York, NY: Scribner. Pp 851, 1000.

Sexting, FWB, Adultery...

My Discussion Board topic for one of my classes this week is :Topic:  Is "sexting", "hooking-up", "friends with benefits", and "cyberadultery" becoming culturally acceptable?  If yes, what are the short-term dangers and what are the long-term effects.  If you disagree, why not?

Because this is such an important topic, I decided to post it here for all of you to know exactly how I feel:

For those with whom I associate, "sexting" is not acceptable.  It is seen as a crude form of communication. If people wish to speak sexually with each other, they should do so in person...or at the very least, over the phone so you can hear the other's voice. 

"Hooking-up" is a quick way to have anonymous sex, but also a quick way to spread disease, and invite a host of other undesirables into your life (such as scorn, persecution, and in some cases, incarceration).

"Friends with benefits" is a good way to ruin a friendship. One of you is getting the short end of the stick.  And what happens when you find someone you wish to have a "real" relationship with?  Does your friend get jealous?  Does your friend get dumped without someone if nir own to have benefits with?  Does your new paramour get jealous of your continuing relationship with your friend, even if you no longer share benefits together?

"Cyber adultery", as with any kind of adultery, is completely unacceptable.  If you have committed to someone, that person deserves your full commitment.  If you feel you must cheat for whatever reason you have used to justify the cheating, then you and your committed partner need to have a heart-to-heart discussion and really figure out the underlying issues, and how to work them out.  If, after a real discussion, you decide to open your relationship, that is not cheating.  If you decide to end your commitment, that is not cheating.  If you decide you want to remain committed in a closed relationship--DO NOT cheat!

Contrary to popular belief, you CAN choose with whom you fall in love.  Additionally, once you fall in love, you have full control over what you do with that love.  Adultery is simply not acceptable behavior.

The short-term dangers of the above behavior is hurt feelings, loss of trust (of yourself and from others), and the knowledge that you have sold yourself short and cheapened yourself.  The long-term effects can include a broken marriage (along with spousal support and/ or child support as appropriate), a series of short relationships (depending on how long you continue this destructive behavior), and a feeling of loneliness and depression.

All of that taken into account, it is important to remember that sending a loving (sometimes even sexy) text to your long-term, committed partner can be a good thing...but keep the explicit words and pictures private.  Nothing sent via text and email is completely private.

That is how I understand things,
Laura

Bisexuality Defined

I completed my first speech assignment: Informational without visual aid.

I spoke about how bisexuals are defined.  I have mixed feelings about my presentation.  I feel I performed well, but I did struggle some.  I lost my breath somewhere in the middle there, and was unable to regain it.  Otherwise, I received positive feedback from the audience.

THANK YOU! To the audience!

Now, we get to see how the instructor receives it.

That's the way I understand it
Laura

Bisexuality Defined

A preview for the 5 minute speech I will present on Monday.  The instructor requires a very specific outline, so I figured I would share that with all of you, just to prove I have been hard at work since my last posting.

SPEECH 2

INFORMATIVE SPEECH w/o VA Rough Draft Key Word  Outline

Directions: This form is to be filled out by you and given to your instructor prior to your speech.

Name: Laura Benedict  ______________________ Date_9/6/13______ Topic: Bisexuality___

Specific Purpose: To inform my audience that bisexuality is multi-dimensional __________________

Central Idea: Physical attraction and sexual activities are two related, but distinct facets of bisexuality.

ORGANIZATIONAL PATTERN: (Circle the one you are using)

cause and effect          chronological               comparison & contrast spatial              topical

INTRODUCTION

            Attention getter: (What will you do to gain the audience’s attention?)

Bisexual.org declares, “The only mistake you can make is to be untrue to yourself and try to live a life that is someone else’s vision,” (Bisexual.org, 2013).

            Statement of significance:

Our group today is composed of bisexuals and those who support bisexuals.  But what does it mean to be bisexual?

            Preview:

There are two related, but distinct facets of a bisexual identity: attraction and activity.

            Transition: I find it most logical to discuss attraction before activity.

BODY:

Main point 1: Attraction

The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe states that bisexuality is “The potential for physical, romantic, or emotional attraction to more than one gender,” (Kristal and Szymanski, 2006:13)

A.    Gary Gates, a Williams Distinguished Scholar, who studied at least 9 studies concerning the LGBT community, estimates that 25.6 million American adults admits to some same-sex attraction (Gates, 2011: 7).

1.      I can find a person attractive today, but not tomorrow.  I can find a body style attractive, but it can all go out the window when ne opens nir mouth.

                        2.  I can be attracted to a pair of legs, an outfit, or the ideals ne discusses.

            B.   Attraction alone does not make one bisexual.

1.  A person not wanting to identify as bisexual does not have to fear that just because ne finds members of other genders to be attractive from time to time, that ne will automatically be labeled as bisexual.

2.      That being said, a person who wishes to identify as bisexual should have no difficulty doing so on the basis of attraction alone.  A person does not have to act on nir attraction to self-identify as bisexual.

            Transition: Which brings me to my next point, sexual activity.

Main point 2: Sexual Activity

The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe completes their definition of bisexual by adding that bisexuals admit, “…the potential, not the requirement, for involvement with more than one gender,” (Kristal and Szymanski, 2006: 13).

A.    Gates also found that nearly 19 million American adults admitted to engaging in some sort of sexual activity with a member of the same gender (Gates, 2011: 7).

1.    I include kissing as a sexual activity because it is often one of the first physical contacts one has with a potential romantic partner.  After you kiss someone, you can say to yourself, “Hey, I like that! I want to do that again!”  Or, you can say, “Hmm, I think this is a good place to stop.”

2.    A person who kisses a member of another gender and decides to never do that again, does not have to identify as bisexual.  However, if a person likes kissing members of more than one gender, that person can safely identify as bisexual without having to actually have sex with any of those people.

B.    Which brings me to the actual act of sex.

1.      A person may bring nimself to have sex with a member of the same gender, decide this activity is not to nir liking, and never engage in that activity again.  Said person may never identify as bisexual…and that’s okay.

2.      Another person may decide ne likes having sex with members of the same gender.  If said person had already decided ne likes sexual activity with members of another gender, that person may very well decide to identify as bisexual.

            Transition: As you can see, bisexuality is multi-dimensional in nature.

CONCLUSION:

            Restatement of significance:

Physical attraction and sexual activities are two separate, but related ideas when discussing bisexuality. 

            Review:

It is difficult to engage in sexual activity without some level of attraction, but it is not difficult to be attracted without ever engaging in sexual activity.  Essentially, it is the right of every person to decide whether ne is bisexual.

           

Closing device:

John Benedict, a local bisexual community leader, defines bisexuality as, “A bisexual identity speaks to the potential, not the requirement for involvement with more than one gender…Most bisexuals do not have to be involved with more than one person at a time in order to feel fulfilled.  We see the person, not the gender.”

References:

Benedict, J. (2013) “My Intro” in Bisexual News and Views. Retrieved September 6, 2013 from http://jebenedict.blogspot.com

Bisexual.org (2013) Questions & Answers. Retrieved September 4, 2013 from http://bisexual.org

Gates, G.J. (2001) How Many People Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender? Los Angeles, CA: The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law (p. 7)

Kristal, N. and Szymanski, M. (2006). The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips, and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways. New York: Alyson Books (p. 13)

Dying to Live

Dying to Live, by Harmonie Reigns can also be found at my favorite local bookstore, Get Booked, owned by Raul Gutierrez.

This book was difficult to read.  I will admit that my difficulty in reading this book probably has more to do with the descriptions of physical abuse than any writing technique employed by Reigns.  My own past experience with domestic violence clouded my ability to read about it.  Through reading this book, I have learned that I am not yet ready to  move on and read about the experience of others.

If you are able to separate yourself from the abuse described, I recommend this book.  Given the accuracy of the emotions, cover-ups, and lies by "Naomi," I wonder if Reigns has prior experience in this area, or if she has interviewed those who have.

A chilling account of abuse, self-defense, and the after-math...Dying to Live should be read with care.

That's how I understand it
Laura

"Heart of a Designer"

***WARNING***
This review is not likely to elicit the same gracious response from Arlene Krieger as was seen earlier from Dr. Haley.

"Heart of a Designer" is a self-published tale by Arlene Krieger.  Billed as a romantic comedy, Ms. Krieger seems to have asked her friends for a few (operative word: few) words of support for her efforts.

"Amanda Stoddard, Media Specialist" writes, "A history of a designer fashion industry.  This is a story that will make you laugh, cry and cheer for the underdog.  The best and funniest read ever,"

Hm.  I would think that a "Media Specialist" would pen a better supportive statement.  First of all, this is not a "history of a designer fashion industry," it's not even a history of a particular designer within that industry.  It is a description of just over a year in the life of one burgeoning clothing line.  Further, it is not clear that the designer in question is the main character.  I cannot definitively say whether the main character is the designer or her daughter-in-law-salesperson.

Lastly (on this point), I neither laughed, cried, nor cheered for the underdog all throughout this book.

"Holly Harris, Food Critic" also wrote a few words for Krieger.  However, I would like to interrupt the flow of review here to ask the first question that comes to my mind, "What does a 'Food Critic' know about a book supposedly about the fashion industry?"  I have no problem with Holly Harris supporting her friend if she truly finds this book worth supporting, but to add her profession adds no credence to her words.  In fact, in my eyes at least, knowing her day job takes away from her message.

Back on track, Harris writes, "I felt like I was wathcing a great funny, romantic movie.  This book is a page turner"

Where to begin?  I can start with "wathcing" being a precursor for all the typos, spelling errors, and misuse of wording found throughout the book.  Also, how can Harris feel as if she is watching a movie?  The story is nowhere near descriptive enough.  On the count of it being a "page turner", I have to disagree.

Now on to my own thoughts concerning the book:
I will gloss over the formatting issues starting with page one.  I will only mention that it appears Krieger typed this up as a Word document, and converted it into book form without adapting the formatting.  As unfortunate as that is (because of the spacing issues, mostly) I understand the desire to see your words in print, and not worrying about the "small details".

My first grievance with the story is that it is billed as a romantic comedy.  As I mentioned earlier, I didn't find it particularly funny.  In fact, I don't remember a single line that I actually laughed about.  As for the romance part, I have a bone to pick on that front.  This story is not romantic, it is adulterous!  Practically every major character in the story is having an affair.

Roberta has an affair with Antonio whose wife Katherine is having an affair with the butcher.  Meanwhile, Roberta's husband, John is messing around with anything in a skirt, and her son Clark is having an affair, though it is never revealed with whom.

That is not my idea of romance.  Back in the day, I read my share (and then some) of romantic novels in the style of Harlequin and Signet.  I know what a romance novel looks, feels, and smells like.  This is not it.

More on the story itself: The daydreams by Louise are intrusive and do not add to the story at all.  Plus, the visions of Louise and Roberta about the "ghost of seventh avenue," (pg. 18) are just silly, and are never fully explained.

The last point I will address is Krieger's philosophy on parenthood as displayed by Louise and Jake.  On the one hand, Izzy is allowed to run wild and is bribed to behave during special occasions, and on the other hand, he is expected to expertly play a concert piano.  Keep in mind, this character is only three years old at the beginning of the story.

I have written enough against this book, I won't bring up the reprehensible attitude toward any person larger than a size six and not completely manicured at Elizabeth Arden, or Mid-Westerners, for that matter.

This kitschy account is not worth your money to buy it, or your time to read it.

That's the way I understand it,
Laura

Thank You

And a big thank you to the illustrious My Haley for the signed copy of "The Treason of Mary Louvestre" and the lovely inscription. This will go in my library next to "Roots" and "Queen".

The inscription reads, "To Laura--May God ever bless you and yours - - Real Good! Best! My"

~feeling very happy right now
Laura

The Treason of Mary Louvestre

My husband and I visit Get Booked just about every week, owned by our friend Raul Gutierrez.  Earlier this week, Raul asked me to review a new book by My Haley, The Treason of Mary Louvestre.

I very much enjoyed the story of Mary Louvestre.

Engaging, realistic, and descriptive, this story tells of the journey of one woman's struggle against the elements, society, and herself.

I have no trouble believing that the characters created by My Haley actually lived.  In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to meet any of them on the street today.  I am especially pleased to know that this tale is based on the real life of a Southern Seamstress who in no small way helped the North to win the Civil War.

Haley skillfully weaves the elements of Southern Society with Mary's experiences to create a tapestry as rich and beautiful as any Renaissance wall hanging.

If Haley decided to continue her research and enlighten us (her avid readers) concerning the rest of Mary's life and adventures, I would definitely be in line to purchase the book.

I highly recommend purchasing and devouring this book for yourself.  And then write to My Haley, encouraging her in her future ventures.

That's how I understand it,
Laura

Se mucho prepara

I have been preparing a lot for the upcoming semester at Fort Hays State University, out of Hays, Kansas.  I take my courses online.

For Fall 2013 semester, I am enrolled in five courses:

COMM 100 Fundamentals of Oral Communication (3)
IDS 350 Diversity in the United States (3)
MLNG 226 Beginning Spanish II (5)
SOC 388 Sociology of the Family in America (3)
SOC 665 Social Entrepreneurship (3)

That's a total of 17 credit hours!  Needless to say, I'm nervous about the upcoming course load.  Because of this nervousness, and the realization that I will be extremely busy in the next few months, I have been preparing as much as possible beforehand.  Part of this preparation includes intensely studying Spanish.  I believe I have learned much, but I also don't feel confident in my ability to communicate effectively in Spanish.

The rest of the semester together accounts for a normal full-time semester.  I have no qualms about any of the other courses.  I believe my other communications courses should cover the required communication course, but who am I to change standard University policy?  "Diversity" should be another course in racial, ethnic, and class inequality; I have taken at least two others of the same genre.  "Family" should be interesting, and very similar to at least two other courses I have previously taken.  I am hoping to be able to apply the information to my own family.  Lastly, Social Entrepreneurship is particularly exciting to me.  With this course, I am building on the Grant Proposal Writing course of last semester.

At the end of this semester, I expect to earn my Bachelor's degree with a concentration in Sociology.  Additionally, after I have completed these courses (specifically the communications course), I can earn my Associates degree with a concentration in Psychology (a bit out of order, eh?).  As for next semester: I will apply to graduate school toward the end of August.  I intend to start graduate studies in January, with the goal to earn a Master in Liberal Studies with a concentration in  Organizational Leadership.

Is it too early to start thinking about my Thesis? Too late ;)

That's the way I understand things
Laura

Orange Is The New Black

I like to watch Netflix when I am unable to find anything intelligent and entertaining on television (every day).  I have gone through such series as "Bones", "Doctor Who", and "Grey's Anatomy".  I recently watched the series "Orange Is The New Black", a Netflix original series.  I enjoyed the series, and found it funny in certain areas, and a bit scary in others.  I wasn't sure how accurate a portrayal of prison life it happened to be, but I enjoyed it.

I was surprised when I saw a write up about this series in "Out" and "The Advocate", both magazines dedicated to news and support of the LGBTQ community (subscribe).

I have to say, if I had seen the advertisement in "Out" first, I would not have been interested in watching it.  The description given in the ad was not compelling to me.  I would have asked myself, "What relevance does this program have for me?"

I have a different viewpoint of the article written by Diane Anderson-Minshall, and presented in "The Advocate."  In this article, Diane describes the program as "the greatest lesbian TV series ever. (Yeah, that's right, I said it, L Word fans.)"

Having watched both, I disagree.  I didn't particularly find "Orange" to be a primarily lesbian program that happens to take place in a prison; I found it to be primarily a prison program that happens to have lesbian undertones.

Yes, some of the characters perform lesbian actions, and many of the characters talk about lesbian acts, but I did not see this program as focusing on the lesbian aspects of the characters over the fact that these characters are in prison.

In contrast, "L Word" was specifically about the lesbians in the program, and their careers were secondary to the story.

Diane seems to feel that "Orange" is a primer on how lesbians think, act, and feel; but I feel that it is more a primer on how prisoners think, act, and feel.  I feel the lesbian activities displayed are secondary to the story.

I am still searching for the book in my local libraries.  Perhaps the book will lend a better look at the intent of the story.

**Spoilers?**
From what is portrayed in the first 13 episodes, I am surprised the author lived long enough to write her memoir.

"Orange" is a story about a woman who made poor decisions that landed her in prison, and then made even dumber decisions while in prison.

10 Myths

I fully encourage the dispelling of any myth, but especially stereotypes and other myths harmful to people.  Murray Lipp wrote an excellent article dispelling what he defines as, "ten of the most problematic myths and stereotypes which play a role in the mischaracterization and dehumanization of gay men in the U.S.A."

1) "Gay Men are All Feminine"

That would be as bad as believing that all heterosexual women are feminine, all heterosexual males are masculine, or that all gay women are masculine.

2) "Gay Men are Into Fashion..."

Do we really have to underline (again) that humans are diverse?  Are all women into fashion?  Are all men into football?  The answers, of course, are "no" to both questions.

3) "Gay Men are Attracted to All Men, and Can't Control Their Desires"

That would insinuate that heterosexual males are attracted to all women and cannot control their desires.  Most humans are capable of being attracted to a person and not uncontrollably jump into bed with that person. Most humans find certain humans attractive while finding others unattractive.

4) "Gay Men are Promiscuous and Obsessed With Sex"

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Ok, back to seriousness.  Many men are "promiscuous and obsessed with sex."  Then again, many women are just as promiscuous and obsessed with sex.  This promiscuity and obsession tells more about the character of the individual than it does the sexual preferences of the individual.

On that note, I would like to point the reader to another blog which captures this idea even better than I do: Bisexual News and Views pay particular attention to the blogs entitled "We Do Exist" and "My Intro".

5) "Gay Men Focus on Anal Sex and Mimic Male/Female Roles"

Some might, but one can hardly believe that all do.  Some male/female couples mimic opposite male/female roles.  If this is true (which it is), why would you believe that all male/male couples always follow the same sexual script all the time?  There is a reason stereotypes are ridiculous and should be dispelled at all costs.

6) "HIV/AIDS is Primarily a Disease Among Gay Men"

I highly suggest you research this disease a little further.  The CDC is a good place to start.

7) "Gay Men are Not Relationship Oriented"

Some men aren't; some women aren't.  Again, this has more to say about the character of the individual than the sexual orientation of the individual.

Many same-sex couples have longer lasting, more successful (i.e.: happier) relationships than many of the more publicized heterosexual couples (Brittany Spears...Kardashian...anyone?).

8) "Male Homosexuality is Caused By...."

In fairness, the text after the ellipses (above) could be any drabble and still be untrue.

9) "Gay Men Can't Be Trusted Around Male Children"

Sigh.  This is only true if the INDIVIDUAL has shown himself to be untrustworthy around children.  For that matter, the individual could be male or female, gay or heterosexual.  Here again, this has more to do with the personality of the individual than it does the fact he or she is homosexual or heterosexual.

10) "Two Gay Men as a Couple Can't Raise Healthy, Happy Children"

Actually, I have written several essays on the general subject that homosexual couples have no disadvantages when compared to heterosexual couples when raising their children.  In fact, it is often the case that for the same reasons that some homosexual couples are happier, more successful and stay together longer than some heterosexual couples, these parents make better parents than the unhappy heterosexual couple who stays together "for the children."

That's the way I understand it
Laura

Fibro-My-(MF)-Algia

Being a sufferer of fibromyalgia, I was encouraged by the headline "Fibromyalgia Is Not All In Your Head, New Research Confirms"

I have suffered from Fibro for many years, and I absolutely hate it!  It is very painful, and makes me irritable (among other things).  It comes and goes, and is not consistent with things like exercise and stress.  Contrary to popular belief, exercise does not always make it better (many times the opposite), and stress does not always make it worse.

I really was beginning to admit to myself that the fibro was psychosomatic--all in my head.

VINDICATION! :D  It's really *not* all in my head

Diagnoses

As a young child, our middle son (now 11) was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and pervasive development disorder. First, I will address my current assessment of these diagnoses.

For the ADHD (APA, 2000: 92): I do not believe he currently displays enough signs to be diagnosed with ADHD at this time. If he was left to his own devices (i.e.: if no one ever told him to sit down and stop running around) he would display many if not all of the diagnostic criteria.  That being said, practically any kid would be diagnosed with ADHD if left to his or her own devices in this way.  Our 11 year old shows a few of the criteria, even with parental supervision, but I do not believe he shows enough for a diagnosis and consequent "required" medication.

Anxiety (APA, 2000: 476): I do not believe he currently displays enough signs to be diagnosed with Anxiety of any type.  I believe any anxiety and worry he might feel is normal and warranted for the environment. I believe everyone is entitled to a little anxiety here and there, and that it can even save your life on occasion.

Pervasive Development Disorder (APA, 2000: 75, 84): The jury is still out on this one.  Not being a professional, I cannot be certain of all of the idiosyncrasies.  I would not have a problem with a professional continuing this diagnosis or even that of Autism (low on the scale).

That being said, based on these diagnoses our son has been given an Individualized Educational Program (IEP) in school. The latest one specifies that he "demonstrated significantly below average academic skills in reading, writing, math, and social-behavioral skills" (IEP 3/4/2013) I have to wonder if this statement is based more on his previous diagnoses or because of actual current events.

When I take him into the kitchen and begin to work with him on mathematics or reading, he struggles, but he gains insight into the concept.  In my opinion, all he has to do is focus on the task at hand.  I (the teacher) just have to pay attention to what he is doing in relation to what he is supposed to be doing.  In my opinion, the only reason he fell behind in his studies is because a teacher at school has so many (17 or so) other students who also need attention; the teacher at school doesn't have the time to devote the needed attention to each student individually.

Given his work when he moved back in with us in January, and his work today at the kitchen table, I can see marked improvement in both areas of mathematics and reading.  I lament that his math progressed at school through multiplication and a bare minimum of division at an excruciatingly slow pace.  At home, he shows he is capable of division, and we are moving on to more difficult concepts.  From what I saw at school, they spent about three months on multiplication; at home, he showed an understanding within a week.  Maybe it's my teaching style, more likely it's because I was able to focus on his needs.

Today, we worked on making graphs from tables, and tables from graphs.

In January, he showed that he was "proficient in grammar/usage skills at the Grade 2 level...did not show proficiency in any Grade 3 Reading areas" (IEP 3/4/2013).  Today, he is reading "Voyager Passport D" which I believe is grade level 3 reading material, and "Wild About Snakes: Cobras" and "Scorpion vs. Tarantula", both informative books, give or take grade level 4 reading.  To me, this is substantive progress in the span of a few months!

Again, this is probably more because of my ability to focus the learner and my instruction, as opposed to my superior teaching ability.

The underlying question with all of this: were the previous (and still technically valid) diagnoses ever truly valid?  Did he "grow out" of them?  Did the disabilities correct themselves because of our (my husband's and mine) superior parenting skills?

Leaving more questions than answers, that's how I understand things.

Laura

APA (2000) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fourth Edition: Text Revision.  Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association

Trans in School

I have just a few moments to post right now, but I wanted to add my two cents to this story. As part of my credo of treating everyone with the respect they deserve because they belong to the human race, I say the school should recognize Nicole as a female and allow her to participate in all the female things she wishes to participate in...specifically using the girls' bathroom in this case.

A small caveat here: consistency needs to be the word of the day.  I understand there exist certain unscrupulous persons who would use the gender identity tag to manipulate the rules such as in the forum of sports.  A person born with male genitals might wish to say he is female in order to gain access to the women's baseball (or softball) team for the express purpose of winning more games.  This person would then change his mind during football season in order to play as a man on the football team.  This type of behavior undermines the very nature of those people who truly feel trapped in the body of the opposite gender.

As with all unethical behavior, it should be strongly discouraged, and considered a crime if we can get that into law somehow.  It is not enough to pass a law, though; the enforcement of the law is often more difficult to pass than the law itself.

Sigh.

Until the entire world can live side-by-side, allowing differences and even encouraging differences...that is how I understand it.

Laura

Portrait Display

One of our favorite places to hang out here in Vegas is The Center:
https://www.facebook.com/TheCenterLV
http://thecenterlv.com/

Which hosts our favorite coffee/ sandwich/ vegan shop:
https://www.facebook.com/bronzecafelv

Currently, The Center is also playing host to a display of portraits spearheaded by Linda:
https://www.facebook.com/events/329634063832065/

Trust me, this display is WAY better in person.  I highly suggest going to check it out if you happen to be in the area.  It will only be available until June 16.  Also, there will be a "Meet & Greet" with Linda on June 12 at The Center from 6-8 p.m.  If you can make it, come on down and tell her how great this project really is.  As an added bonus, my husband and I will attend the Meet & Greet :)

Our picture (see above) will be displayed by Monday evening (June 10).

Graduation decor

This article is inspired by this article: http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/high-school-senior-denied-diploma-for-wearing-when-did-graduation-become-a-battleground--192900808.html

My senior year of high school (1994-95), my nickname was Chicken.  This was a bit of a joke that I started, but soon became wide-spread.  When I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, the entire graduating class and half of the people in the audience yelled out the name "Chicken!" in a congratulatory cheer.  For someone who thinks of herself as "Merelyme Noone," this was a feat bordering on impossible.

Cutting the story short, when I was preparing for graduation, I intended on placing a small stuffed animal chicken on top of my mortarboard as a nod to this chosen moniker.  I was politely (but firmly) asked to remove it.  I complied.

This illustrates the fact that I understand the desire for Ms. Ramer to portray an important part of her life during such a milestone as graduation.  I also understand the desire for the high school to keep the uniform of the day just that: uniform.

When Ms. Ramer made clear her intention to sport the eagle feather, the headmaster made it clear she was to refrain from doing so.  Ms. Ramer decided her "spiritual and cultural symbol of pride" was more authoritative in this situation than the headmaster of the school from which she was earning a commendation.

In this situation, I would have advised the school to disallow Ms. Ramer from walking with the rest of her class, but to not fine her, nor to hold her diploma for ransom.

In my humble opinion, high schools should be used to antics of seniors by now.  They should be the adults in the situation and take control as if they actually are the adults in control.  Ms. Ramer did not do anything really out of control, nor did she do anything illegal or disruptive.  If her actions are too disruptive to be allowed to walk with the rest of the class, no other action should be necessary.

Just how I understand things,
Laura

Food

One of my writing ideas is a non-fiction book surrounding my approach to food.  The "working title" for this work would be "An Inconvenient Necessity".  The underlying idea: I hate food.

Food is incredibly inconvenient.  First of all, you NEED it...a lot of it...throughout the day...every day!

You feel hungry, and so you eat.  Within a few hours, you feel hungry again.

Even when you eat healthy, balanced foods throughout the day, you remain hungry.  But then again, what is healthy and balanced?  That definition changes almost daily, and is highly subjective, depending on your activity level, hormones, diagnoses, etc.

On top of the incessant need to eat, we have to obtain our food.  That can mean growing our own, hunting, purchasing, or any other means of obtaining sustenance.  Any of the above requires a certain amount of skill and effort.

Next, you have to store the food somewhere.  And then you have to prepare it in one way or another, especially if you are to present it to others.  After that, you must clean up after it: clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, throw away the waste, etc.  Lastly, you must clean up after the waste products: take out the trash, and toilet duties (to put it politely).

Healthy and good foods rot and otherwise go bad relatively quickly.  Foods that do not go bad are usually bad for your health.

To answer all of this, I have lamented in other forums that we do not have something similar in nature to "Soylent".  If you recall the movie, there were more colors than green; only green was made from people.

Consuming something such as Soylent (for me) would solve much of the problems above.  I wouldn't have to take the time to consume food, I wouldn't worry about the strawberries going bad, and I wouldn't have to prepare much.

I know, I know, many people truly enjoy food, but for me, Soylent seems like a great alternative to "real" food.

Enter the brilliance of NASA:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/nasa-awards-grant-3d-food-printer-could-end-194050661.html

I would buy this.  In fact, I would volunteer to be a human test subject, once it is ready for human testing.

That's how I understand it
Laura

The Unbalanced Semester

School semesters are always unbalanced, and probably for good reason.  As an example, I will use my current semester.  I have four classes with a total of 12 credit hours.  The first two weeks included introducing myself to the instructors and "classmates" through online means such as email and Blackboard.  I printed the syllabi, checked that I had all the required textbooks, and organized for the semester ahead.  These last two weeks: four major essays are due.  Two integrative essays, one research report, and one grant proposal.  I have been reading, researching, and writing like crazy for over a week, and I am nowhere near finished.

Sigh--

Break over: back to work.

Laura

Women and Gender assignment

One of my assignments for my class Women and Gender Studies was so interesting, I just had to post it.  The assignment was to analyze a "youtube" video for content concerning how women are portrayed in the media.

After searching for an appropriate video, I came across this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHN6Sfj5MMQ

“Hgwhiteknight” compiled a montage of 96 advertisements from around the world portraying women; each of these advertisements focuses on at least one part of a woman as part (or the whole) of the advertisement.  Many of them portray the woman as dead or dying; just before rape, in the act of rape, or just after rape; having been beaten or in the act of being beaten; drug use; too fat or too skinny; and as being controlled by a video game controller. 

In 17, I am unable to tell what product is being advertised.

In 12, the product is specifically for men.

In 22, the product is something usually for men, or being marketed toward men (not including the previous items).

In  8,the Plot is rape (about to happen, happening, or just finished)

In 4, the product promises to make the woman more attractive

In 4, the ad suggests that without the product, women are dumb and useless

In 7, the ad uses women as a tool in one way or another

In 3, the entire purpose is how thin the woman is (too skinny).

In 3 is shown augmentation for beauty (2 while wearing evening gowns)

In 4, the model is or looks pre-pubescent

In 8 is the act or suggestion of a blow job

In 13 is the act of violence toward women, or a woman having been beaten

One shows the act of bestiality

In 18, death is used to sell a product

In 5, bondage is used

In 20, consensual sex is shown or suggested, or the model is in a position to suggest that she is ready to have sex.

Food Preparers and Music Performers

Just a thought this morning:

There is a fundamental difference in how a chef approaches food preparation and how a baker does so; similar in nature to the fundamental difference in how a Jazz musician approaches the performance and how a concert musician does so.

In this simile, the chef is comparable to the jazz musician; the baker to the concert musician.

A chef will find a recipe that works, play with it, add a spice, take away an ingredient, and mix it up.  A jazz musician will find a tune that works, play with it, add a note, drop a chord, and mix it up.  The chef will taste the food to see if it continues to work together.  The chef will continue to re-work it until the chef is happy with it.  When the customer gives feedback, the chef continues with what works, and changes what doesn't.

The baker, on the other hand, must follow the recipe exactly.  A pinch too much salt, a bit too little flour, and the entire recipe tastes different, usually for the worse.  A baker cannot just add more cinnamon half-way through the baking process, the baker must be precise for the finished product to taste right.

A jazz musician can liven up the tune while on stage.  The jazz player can change something on a whim, and the other players barely bat an eye; they pick right up and change their parts right along with the other player; this is generally considered an attribute.  Each player complements the playing of all of the other players.

A concert musician must follow the exact notes in the score, at exactly the right time.  If a player misses one note, the entire audience can hear it.  If a concert musician has the audacity to suggest a different chord here or a movement there, that musician is probably already looking for a new position.

No moral to the story; no lesson to be learned, just some random thoughts.

Laura

On "Making a good first impression"

In the midst of my busy day packed with housework, cooking, and studying, I occasionally do something less than productive.  Today, I started off by reading some Yahoo news, and came across this little gem: http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/making-good-first-impression-153300242.html

Now, I'm not out looking for a job or anything, but I do like to see what the latest "expert" advice is on etiquette, charm, and class.  This article had a mixture of "Yeah, ok, that makes sense," and "Um--no."

1) Your feet do the talking Yes, it is true that footwear can say a lot about you as a person, and your mood of the day.  The shoes can make or break an outfit.  I am out and about in the world quite a bit (despite my being chained to my computer with school work), and I see a plethora of differing styles of "fashion" people have dared step out in public wearing.  I have even thought about taking pictures and starting a blog entitled, "You wore what?!" or "What were you thinking?"

Flip-flops belong on the beach (or, you know, your local politician), not "complimenting" an otherwise well-planned outfit.  Also, heels do not belong with a tube top (yes, people still wear those) and Daisy-Dukes.  Oh, and by-the-way, we can tell when you bought that pair of boots at W@l*M@rt.

Along with the advice about footwear, I would add in a bit about your watch.  I have always heard that people judge you most by your shoes and your watch.  This advice goes along with the occasion just as much as the footwear advice.  Don't wear your Tag-Heuer to your local water park, but don't wear your Swatch to an interview, either.

2) Cosmetic powers I admit, a little polishing can do a world of good, but (as the article says) don't go overboard.  I am amazed whenever I see someone with "tarantula eyes" that still expects to be taken seriously.  Personally, I don't wear make-up.  I think I'm attractive and so does my husband.  No one else needs to at this point.  But if I were headed out to an interview, you bet I would put on a bit of powder to polish the look!

That being said, did you notice who funded that "research" concerning the affects of a little blush and eye shadow?

3) Grin and bear it At first, I thought this was going to be all about putting on a smile to get the job (would have been better advice); alas, this advice was all about whitening and straightening your teeth.  Here again, I advise noticing just exactly who funded the "research" behind this little tidbit.

I have nothing against white and straight teeth, but just before a job interview is not the time to start thinking about that.  If you have a true dental problem, by all means, think about getting it fixed.  But we live in a world with too many fakes out there, we need more real people.  I do not have the most brilliant white teeth, nor do I have ruler-straight teeth.  Quite frankly, I don't feel the need to "fix" either, even if I were looking for a job.

4) The clothes make the woman This segment is all about how you should wear a skirt-suit.  I agree, a skirt-suit is better suited for many professional positions, but not all.  And just as a quick aside here, who says this article is specifically for women?  Some men out there might be reading this type of thing, too.  Anyway, back to my point: some positions are better suited to a lovely pant-suit as opposed to a skirt-suit.  It all depends on the personality of the woman, the type of work she does, and the people she works around.

For instance, an architect frequently on the construction site might feel more comfortable in a lovely pair of flat shoes (or a short heel) and a nice (but not too nice) pant suit as opposed to a set of 3" heels and a just-above-the-knee skirt suit.  That's not to say that same woman would not prefer to wear the second outfit to a meeting in a board-room (or an interview).  As I said, it all depends.

For the more masculine reader, the same advice applies:  A suit and tie ensemble might be better suited to the board room meeting than the architectural meeting at the construction site.  For the second type of meeting, I recommend a nice pair of blue-jeans, work boots (wolverines or redwings) a plain t-shirt under a long-sleeved chambray, and a hard-hat.  But that's just me.

5) Take up space I actually thought this one was going to be advice on how to gain weight or slouch, but I actually agree with the advice given in this segment: stand up tall, practice good posture, etc.

This reminds me of last November when my husband and I went to a local polling place to vote.  After voting, he was asked a few questions in front of a camera for a documentary (I wonder how that is going?).  Anyway, while he was on camera, I was standing off to the side, staying out of the picture, and pretty much minding my own business.  I noticed out of the corner of my eye a small group of (what I think were) tourists who seemed to be speaking an Asian language.  They were taking pictures and giggling amongst themselves.

Assuming they were tourists, I chalked it up to a bit of cultural gap, and didn't think much of it, until I noticed they were pointing at, laughing at, and taking pictures of me.  I always practice good posture, but this made me stand up straighter, take a deep breath (the whole "count to ten" thing) and purposely ignore them.  Seriously, what else was I going to do?  I suppose they thought the good posture was hilarious because they started laughing again, harder this time.  They were still laughing at me when my husband finished and we left the area.

Bad manners from others is no excuse for poor posture or manners from me.

A Possible Alternative

I just finished reading this article: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=scientists-discover-childrens-cells-living-in-mothers-brain

"Scientists Discover Children's Cells Living In Mothers Brains" by Robert Martone.

The article describes how cells are transmitted between mother and child in utero; some of mother's cells migrate to fetus, some of fetus' cells migrate to mother.

This is not an uncommon occurrence, and happens in the animal world as well as in humans.

The connection Mr. Martone makes is that these cells can help or hinder the growth of certain diseases: cancer, Alzheimer's disease, and multiple sclerosis are all mentioned.  Mr. Martone draws the conclusion that women with cancer and Alzheimer's disease somehow allowed less microchimeric cells into their bodies than the average woman without cancer and Alzheimer's.  On the other side of the coin, it is thought that the presence of the microchimeric cells somehow contributed to the growth of Multiple Sclerosis.

I offer a contrary alternative to these conclusions.  Don't get me wrong, I am not offering myself as an expert in the field, just a differing opinion.

It is possible that when the microchimeric cells are faced with cancer and Alzheimer's cells, that they get used up, and are disposed as waste.  In my (laymans) way of thinking, I picture it like using a paper towel.  It is very useful, it has done it's job, but now it is nothing more than waste.  Thus, when the microchimeric cell has finished it's usefulness, it is thrown away, and that would be why the researchers failed to find as many as they may have expected.  In my hypothesis, the cancer and Alzheimer's in these cases were just more of a mess than the body had microchimeric cells (paper towels) to clean up with.

As for the case of the Multiple Sclerosis: the article stated that those with MS had more microchimeric cells than the average person without MS.  Perhaps the MS cells were not the kind the microchimeric cells could clean up.  Of course, it is possible that Mr. Martone was correct in the conclusion that microchimeric cells might somehow assist the MS cells in their growth.  Or, it might be that the microchimeric cells inhibited some other type of cell and the unintended byproduct of that inhibition was the growth of MS cells.

For now, we do not know, but this was a fascinating article anyway

Laura

The Cultural Defense

As part of my required reading for one of my courses, I read “When in Rome” by Nina Schuyler (1997) which describes an alarming trend in criminal defense concerning immigrants from other countries.  Defense attorneys are using the “Cultural Defense” to argue that since the person in question was raised in a different culture, that the individual should not have to be held accountable for breaking the law.

One of the examples given is that a mother left an infant in the care of a nine-year-old; the infant died.  “Charged with involuntary manslaughter, the mother argued that the childcare norms of the [culture from which she was raised] are different from those of the [current culture in which she lives]…” (Moulder, 2000: 15).

Another example was concerning the marriage of under-age girls (13 and 14) to adult men (28 and 34, respectively) on the basis of religious practices.  The defense in this case was that “The U.S. Constitution guarantees freedom of religion…They should be allowed to practice their religion in this country,” (Moulder, 2000: 14).  Let me see—that defense doesn’t work for the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in regards to their religious practice of polygamy, why should it work for this family?

Since this is such a problem in certain areas, maybe we should look at the process of immigration a little differently.  Maybe we should provide each adult immigrant with a pamphlet on our laws here as a country, possibly written in their native language, just to be sure they can read it.  Additionally (to make sure to not exclude the illiterate immigrants), a person with legal knowledge should be available to answer the questions such immigrants have, especially in the early years in their new homes. 

All of this would help to prevent the lag in what was acceptable in the previous culture and what is acceptable in their new culture, before these people commit a crime.  After all, if they decided to come here, they should accept their new culture.  I’m not saying they need to completely assimilate: they should be allowed to continue their religion, food preparation, language, etc., but such activities should not be allowed if they conflict with the law.

It is not ok to “mercy kill” your sister/ daughter because you think she is immoral for kissing her boyfriend.

It is not ok to force women to completely cover their bodies when outside the home.

It is not ok to keep your daughters home from school because you feel an education will lead them away from whatever religious upbringing you want them to attain.

It is not ok to kill your son because you suspect him of participating in homosexual activities.

We are a culture that holds dear the ideal of equality of all persons. We need to focus on attaining that ideal.

Starting a new semester

This week has heralded the start of a new semester for me, complete with four courses, comprising the required 12 credit hours to make me a full-time student!

Yay!

This has been quite the busy week, and it is only the end of Wednesday.

With most courses up until this time, I expect the first week to be filled with the preliminary organization tasks (read and print the syllabus, organize my folders on my thumb drive, tabulate my textbooks, and buy a new pack of highlighters, etc).  However, it seems I have chosen graduate courses for this semester: they require an actual assignment to be completed the first week (not just the expected "introduction" on the discussion board or email to the instructor).

By the way, in case you hadn't picked up on this little detail from my writings above, I am taking all of my courses online.  I highly recommend taking most of your college/ university courses online, with a few exceptions.  For me, those exceptions include mathematics courses (calculus, etc.) and science courses (biology, chemistry, etc.).  Oh, and that pesky communications course that requires you to speak in front of an audience of so many members.  I tried to do that one online, but I just didn't have access to an audience of at least 50 people at my beck and call, just waiting to hear me speak (and be video-taped for proof) on four separate occasions...Gee, I thought everyone had that kind of access! (lol)

Anyway, for those waiting on the edge of your seats waiting to know: I am taking "Introduction to Women's and Gender Studies" with professor McGonigal, "Social Problems" with professor Johnson, "Advanced Sociological Research" with professor Brinker, and "Grant Proposal Development" with professor Campbell.

I dropped the nutrition course I was going to take (yes, that would have meant 5 courses this semester) because I found that it wasn't going to be significantly different than the previous health and nutrition course I already passed.  I was hoping to find something more specific, but I suppose googling everything will have to do.

Back to the grind-stone...I have several chapters to read, powerpoints to watch/listen to, and a video presentation to watch...all before next week.

I love school!
;)

How I View "15 Things"

            I ran across this article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/15-things-you-can-do-to-be-your-best-self-today/ by Nico Lang, to which I decided to add my own little interpretation.

1) “Try to have conversations with people you casually meet in everyday life.”

Actually, I do this every time I go out: I use people’s names when I speak to them, I smile, and I bid them “good day.” 

2) “Remind people in your life how much they love you and mean to you.”

I make sure to give my husband and children lots of love every day.  We give each other hugs, tell each other “I love you,” and frequently do little things to show love.  We have funny little words we use to tell each other we love each other, such as “bunkies,” and “gobs.”

3) “Text people back right away.”

Unless I’m driving, I text people back right away.  I feel that if that person has taken the time to attempt to contact me that I should respect them enough to respond.  It really doesn’t take that much effort, but that person might be waiting on my response.

4) “Ask yourself how you can be a better friend to people or better support them.”

At some point, everyone feels they are doing their best, but there is another point where everyone feels they cannot do any worse.  Hopefully, we can find a happy medium somewhere.  If we love our friends, and if our friends love us, we will all appreciate each other and forgive our mistakes.  If one of your friends is doing something you would like stopped (or if you would like that friend to do something) you really need to discuss it with that person.  Only communication will help in this situation.  You never know—that thing that has been driving you nuts might actually turn out to make sense, and you’ll learn to love it.

5) “Get up early.”

Well, I get up at 2 am most mornings.

6) “Smile more and laugh more.”

I smile when I feel happy, I laugh when there is something funny.  I frown when I am sad, and I cry when I am very sad.  I run the gamut of feelings.  I allow myself to feel, I allow myself the luxury of understanding my own feelings.  I think it is very sad that many people do not even know how they feel.  Many people don’t allow themselves to feel anything “negative.”  I think this is a mistake.  You cannot learn to fix whatever is “negative” if you don’t even know when you have those feelings.

7) “Do something you didn’t think you could or always wanted to do.”

I am studying Sociology at University, and will graduate by the end of Spring 2014 :D

8) “Learn how to apologize.”

I have to say, this one was difficult for me.  Learning to accept when I have made a mistake, learning to forgive myself, and learning to ask for forgiveness has been a process.  Sometimes I apologize without accepting my own apology.  Sigh.  We all have room for improvement.

9) “Let go of our anger, envy, and hatred.”

Wow—this one can be difficult as well.  There are times when I can be very angry, and not want to let it go for a while.  Sometimes I get angry that I feel anger.  Now *that* can be a vicious circle!

10) “Don’t use your iPod all the time.”

From this, I figure Ms. Lang includes all music playing devices: these can include MP3’s, portable CD players, or even (for those old schoolers) walkmen.  Also, from her text it is clear that Ms. Lang is advising all to listen to the natural sounds surrounding them. 

To this sentiment, I cannot add anything more.

11) “Complain less and make fewer excuses for yourself.”

Well, this assumes that the reader frequently complains, and makes excuses—that may be true, but should not be assumed.

That being said, those who do complain just might need to learn to appreciate more.  Also, those people might need to learn to accept responsibility.

From me, “appreciate the beauty around you, accept the responsibility that is yours, release responsibility for what is not yours.”

12) “Do something nice for someone else—the kind of favor you might not see returned.”

If you only do things for people because you will get a favor in return, you are missing out on many opportunities in life.  When you do something for the sheer purpose that it needs to be done (even without gaining recognition for it), you get a satisfaction you could never gain by only doing things with the purpose of a reward.

13) “Give someone a completely unsolicited compliment.”

I have always felt that the compliment doesn’t mean as much if I had to ask for it.  If the compliment wasn’t going to be given freely, I probably didn’t deserve it.

14) “Do something completely unexpected or spontaneous.”

Tattoos are cool ;)

15) “Try something new—just for the experience.”

Does blogging count?  I’m sure you can tell, I’ve only been doing this a few weeks.

Gruesome

                This morning, my husband and I were discussing a roadside memorial we had seen.  He thought it might be connected to a story in the local news lately, and talked about how the news casters had described the murder as “gruesome”.  And then he asked the question which started my mental gears in motion: “Is any death not gruesome?”  I answered, “Yes, dying in your sleep is quite peaceful.”  He came back with, “But isn’t that still gruesome?”  My response: “Define gruesome.”

                This brings me to this moment now.  I took the time to look up the definition of “gruesome,” a word I hear frequently in the news and elsewhere.  According to my favorite reference (and one of my top five most visited websites) dictionary.com, gruesome is defined as: 1) causing great horror; horribly repugnant, grisly; 2) full of or causing problems.

                1) Depending on the circumstances and the family and friends affected, you can easily define death as “causing great horror,” “horribly repugnant,” and even “grisly.”  [As an aside (because I am just that way), I looked up “grisly”: 1) causing a shudder or feeling of horror; 2) formidable; grim.]  Personally, I can see death as a welcome respite, a long sought-after friend, for certain cases, but I understand how others can see death as unwelcome, horrible, and feared, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the end of life.  The subject of death hits different people in distinct ways, but that is a subject for another post.

                2) Every death is potentially “full of or causing problems.”  No matter how much the individual or family has prepared for the eventuality of death, there always seems to be that one more thing that didn’t get done.  But even then, there is the subject of grief that must be dealt with.  No matter how much you have expected it, even waited for it, at the end, when it finally happens, the grief is real.  It must be dealt with.  It brings its own set of problems.

                My conclusion: yes, I can concede that every death is gruesome in one way or another.  This discussion just illustrates the ideal that you really do learn something every day—especially if you seek out that learning and allow yourself to absorb the new information.

Einstein's Riddle

I picked up this riddle off a Facebook post.  As a self-described math geek (who used to go through logic puzzle books for fun), I was intrigued:

Einstein (reportedly) wrote this riddle early during the 19^th century.  He said 98% of the world could not solve it.  It’s not hard, you just need to pay attention and be patient.

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.  In each house lives a person with a different nationality.  The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.  No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage.

The question is: Who owns the fish?

*The Brit lives in the red house.

*The Swede keeps dogs as pets

*The Dane drinks tea

*The green house is on the left of the white house

*The green homeowner drinks coffee

*The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds

*The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill

* The man living in the center house drinks milk

*The Norwegian lives in the first house

*The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who keeps cats

*The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill

*The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer

*The German smokes prince

*The Norwegian lives next to the blue house

*The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drinks water

As the instructions for this riddle are incomplete, I have to make a few assumptions.  The fact I have to make these assumptions make this riddle flawed; but since certain questions are not answered, one must start with some assumptions.  Because of these assumptions, there may be more than one accurate answer to this riddle.

My assumptions:

I assume the five houses are on one street; on one side of the street; that number 1 is on the left, that number 5 is on the right, and that they are sequentially numbered; that my position is from the street, and that all directions within the riddle are from my vantage point.

1) Yellow; Norwegian; Water; Dunhill; Cats

2) Blue; Dane; Tea; Blend; Horse

3) Red; Brit; Milk; Pall Mall; Bird

4) Green; German; Coffee; Prince; Fish

5) White; Swede; Beer; Bluemaster; Dog

Thus, the answer to the riddle: The German (who lives in the green house, drinks coffee, and smokes Prince) owns the fish.